Dear Mr. Stein,
Squid Game. You have seen it. Me too. I want to tell you something. I created the Squid Game and Hwang Dong-hyuk stole it from me. He did.
My creation was called the Octopus Rally. I will now explain to you the Octopus Rally.
There are two teams. The Octopuses and the Serpents. Octopuses are good. Of that I am sure you know. My Octopus Teacher was good. All octopods are good. Serpents are demons. No questions asked.
The teams are cast using the application Tinder. A brave man with much money creates an account for a young bi-sexual stallion looking for a quick hookup. Those who swipe right are invited to meet Mr. Stallion. They meet at motel. Adult movies and HBO included.
After snacks, they are drugged and moved to an unknown location. I will tell you the location in person. Do not talk about it over email.
At the unknown location, the participants have thetons read by Tom Cruise. Those with strong thetons are Octopuses. The others, Serpents.
The participants are sent to a bunk bed room for fun times. Then a man called Mr. Stallion arrives. Everyone wants to have sex with him. They can’t. Not yet.
Let the games begin.
Game 1. Calamari surprise. The Octopuses and the Serpents race to collect calamari hidden across a map. When the children scream, they must stop. Those without calamari are detonated.
Game 2. A serpent’s dream. The participants use MRI machines to read the brain waves of sleeping vipers. Those who can not read the dream will be shot.
Game 3. Monopoly. A classic. Do not land on Electric Company or you will be electrocuted. Shocktopus.
Game 4. How good can you carry rocks? Participants carry rocks up a hill. Those who can’t are stoned to death. Rocktopus.
Game 5. Participants must cook for Mr. Stallion. Those who fail die. But one lucky participant will win. Cocktopus.
You see the similarities. I see the similarities. Potato tomato, Mr. Stein. Netflix is rich. Google it.
We can be rich too. Google us.
Gary “Mr. Stallion” Albrect