SUBJECT: COLD FRONT - The Real Fake News And What To Do About It

Dear Mr. Stein,

I write you in the pursuit of truth and all that is righteous in this world. We live in an era of fake news, perpetuated at the hands of Russian trolls, Donald Trump, and the liberal-biased media.

Yet there is one breed of fake news no one is talking about. One that is devastating our planet.  

That is the fake weather news.

Here are some statistics quoted from my favorite website, Scijinks.gov: “A seven-day forecast can accurately predict the weather about 80 percent of the time, and a five-day forecast can accurately predict the weather approximately 90 percent of the time. However, a 10-day — or longer — forecast is only right about half the time.”

As we can see, there is a massive 10-50 percent margin of error in weather news reporting!

It’s preposterous, yet we still trust the biased weather media.

Yes, I said biased. My research has led me to believe there is a coalition of American, Indian, and Norwegian operations controlling the weather through elite satellites, some possibly on lease from SpaceX and Elon Musk. These operations have been going on for at least the last 50 years, and before that, there is evidence this type of sorcery goes back to the beginning of time.

You also read that correctly: My understudies and I have uncovered ancient Sumerian texts revealing a conspiracy between the oracles of the early world to predict the weather. We were the highly-lauded team who found the signed text in which the oracles agreed upon the following public ideal: “We oracles will predict the weather accurately about 50-90% of the time, depending upon the length of the forecast.” This was the smoking gun proof that weather men and women all across the world are really just modern oracles, indoctrinated at liberal universities as part of an Elon Musk(rat)-eqsue mind control operation.

If you aren’t entirely convinced, we also learned the original weather oracle was Mr. Dopplark Radark. Drop the K’s. Read it again.

We know… It makes you think.

Now that you’re probably convinced, you may ask why would anyone do this? Well, that’s the question I have for you, Mr. Stein.

My colleagues and I will be holding our first annual COLD FRONT symposium on the topic at the Four Seasons Total Landscaping in May. I’d like to invite you to speak on our panel. As a member of the Jewish faith and legal scholar, you can offer brilliant expertise on the following questions:

- Will you please talk about your background?